Affection it’s a fundamental part of being in a relationship is it not?
Without Affection in a relationship, what does it make it? Does it make it just a friendship? But even then you can show appropriate affection in a friendship can’t you?
Does it make it a cleaner, cook and slave role with the maybe added Benefit of a quick peck on the lips and a love you. “I love you” those three words, those three words that seem to be chucked around a lot and a lot of the time mean jack shit and just seem to be common phrase that is chucked around even if there not really meant.
Like when I cheating husband says it to his wife, while he leave to go to a “business meeting” when he is really having an affair with his secretary.
I love you means nothing to me! Unless you can show me you love me the words there selves mean nothing. I have through the years had many people say they love me, then they hurt me, I have had my rapists say I love you while they rape me! Mr C told me he loved me but again destroyed my life when I was 14 years old and contributed to the lovely mess I find myself in now in the deep dark depths of PTSD.
My boyfriend tells me he loves me, but doesn’t show it. Instead all I feel is that I am just something that stays with him sometimes who does everything he wants so he doesn’t have to do much.
There is no cuddles anymore, there’s no cuddled up to a movie and being close and warm together. Everytime I ask for a cuddle he says no or if I try to give him a cuddle or nestle into him he always has some excuse “my stomach hurts, I’m busy, your hurting me” or the best one your annoying me fuck off!
Kisses now consist of a peck on the lips before he goes to work and a peck on the lips when he comes in from work. But when I try to kiss him it’s the same excuse of the cuddles.
We don’t do anything together he works , he comes home, he shits, he eats, he falls asleep and sometimes he says we are going out for a drive. Which usually consists on driving to town and meeting his friends, who all then stand on the street for hours in the freezing cold.
Usually if he falls asleep by the time he wakes up its usually time for me to go to bed as I try and go to bed early to attempt to sleep.
There’s no interaction, he sits on his phone, doesn’t engage in conversation. Then moans at me or says to me “your always on that fucking phone”
I actually got to the point last night where I replied and said “well you have sat on your phone from the minute you have came in tonight, I haven’t had a kiss and you have barely spoke to me, so what am I ment to do”
What am I ment to do though?
I can’t go out by myself a lot especially to meet friends, as I have bad panic attacks.
So I talk to my offline and online friends online, just to try and keep some sort of social functioning.
So what happens when your amazing supporting boyfriend, no longer seems to care, no longer seems to want to communicate, no longer seems to want to do things with you. Who doesn’t want to touch you or let you touch them
What have I done? Is there something wrong with me, does he not find me attractive anymore, had he found someone else, has he realised I’m to mentally fucked up.
All these thoughts going around in my head I don’t know what to think.
I think he wants the single life or he forget he is not single. I asked him if he was working next weekend as I really want to go to the zoo before the cold weather comes in. I was met with “yeah I’m working then Sunday I’m helping my pals”
So I’m basically not going to see him all week except when he does his usual routine after work then I’m not going to see him or get to spend anytime with him over the weekend.
Am I in the wrong here am I making issues out of nothing.
I’m screaming inside just give me some attention show me you love me.
Do you not understand how I’ll I am how I need someone to be there for me!
I have a horrible feeling that this is now going to come to and end, but at the end of the day if that was to happen id rather be alone and hurting than be with some who adds to that hurt.